Dear North West:
This is my first of will probably be many, many letters to you. Since you cannot read yet, have your mother hire someone to read this too you before it’s too late, because time is of the essence! Because for most people, this sounds like the name a pimp would give one of his girls that he got knocked up on the streets solely to prove that he can name his child whatever he wants and his girl must oblige. We never said your mama worked a corner, but, I digress….
My sincerest apologies for your tragic name. They didn’t even give you a middle name to use! Every other child in Hollywood has a name that is beyond reprehensible, but yours? This truly takes the cake. Why couldn’t your mama go with K*nt? That sounds not as tacky as you may think. Because you know what people at school are going to call you?
North Pole (stripper career?)
compASS (if you take anything after your mother, you can BET on this one)
and I could go on, but since you are only a few days on, I will leave it at that for now. You might want to start learning how to crawl, then walk, then run as soon as possible, because your daddy is only going to be around for so long before you’re going to be in the klutches of Kardashians forever and a day. If you’re lucky, you can get your own reality series with Penelope and Mason!
Run North, run!!