Just when you think Britney’s pity party (aka For The Record) has got you hooked and crying Cheeto tears of your own, K-Fed enters into the picture…opening up to People magazine just ONE day after Britney’s sixth album release. Coincidental? Ummm…stupid question.

Remember this horribly sad confession from Brit’s “For The Record” documentary?

“I didn’t think my husband was gonna leave me. If Kevin hadn’t left, I’d be with my babies 24/7. But since they’re almost like twins, they both take care of each other. I think they look like me. They don’t look like their father at all.”

I know, it left me melancholy. But then, I got thinking.

Ok, so now the kids take care of themselves? And K-Fed left Brit? Ummmm….ok.

Not according to Mr. Popozao (pronounced PAPA-ZOW). HOLD UP. Popozao has got somethin’ to say and says just “enough” to People.

Do you remember when you first met Britney?

I met her at a club in Hollywood, Joseph’s. Our eyes met and that was it. We just hit it off right away. I learned real fast how much of a whirlwind the press and everything was.

What are your happiest memories of the marriage?

Well, getting married. I never thought that I would get married but it wound up happening. That was a really, really, happy, exciting moment. I pretty much realized that I was giving my life to her, and I was doing it without question.

What went wrong?

It’s hard enough to be in a marriage, and then have a kid, then kids, it changes everything. For me, I’d become more concerned with my children. Not that I ignored Britney, but my kids are always most important … I mean, we were having complications. I didn’t give her an ultimatum, but I was trying to work stuff out with her, and she didn’t even talk to me or anything and went behind my back and filed [for divorce]. [I was] completely blindsided.

A lot of people assumed you fought for custody of the kids because of money.

My first question to [my lawyer] was, “Am I ever going to be able to see my children?” I told him that I would spend every last dime that I had to make sure that my children are okay. That’s all that mattered. I didn’t know how much power Britney had. That really scared me.

How did you react in January when Britney locked herself in the bathroom with Jayden and was later taken to the hospital on a gurney?

That whole night is a blur. You want to talk about one of my lowest points of depression, that was probably one of them. I was very, very worried for her ’cause I care about her. That’s the mother of my children. Just because I’m not in love with her doesn’t mean that I don’t love her. I’m definitely rooting for her. There’s nothing more that I want than for her to be in the best health and doing what she loves to do.

Are things getting better?

Oh, man, it’s totally turning around. It works out that [the kids] get to see her. There’s structure over there, there’s structure at my house. We’re trying to keep the same type of schedule. It doesn’t have to be completely perfect, but the foundation is there.

Oh, for the love of Frappes. Somebody’s lying!!! Who do you believe?

Popozoa or Cheeto Spears? Or are K-Fed and Brit in on this TOGETHER? Oh, the drama ensues…

Britney may not be able to normally and completely support her sons, but Jayden James and Sean Preston were at GMA this morning to support their mama. And, look how Cheetorific pimp these lil’ fellas look!

Click for more pics of the Cheeto during the so-so GMA performance.
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Expect the next year to be filled with frappe-ier happier posts of our Cheeto star Brit Brit. Not only is today Britney’s birthday and the day for the “Circus” release, but Brit also dropped the bomb informing us that she will be taking her circus on the road…yep a tour.

For now, it seems Brit will be staying close to home, starting out her tour March 3rd in Louisiana and ending April 28th in Chicago. Brit will also be bringing along the Pussycat Dolls as her opening act. Not too shabby. Check out the official tour dates below.

Tickets to go on sale starting this Saturday. Get into job service, pick up some extra hours at work or cut back on the bags of Cheetos…you are gonna need a ticket for this one, bitches!

Good Morning America was all about the birthday Cheeto this morning! And I must say…it’s about freakin’ time someone pays attention to Brit Brit. She hardly gets enough, damnit!

In case you didn’t roll out of bed early enough to catch the birthday extravaganza and the performances on the ABC morning show, we’ve got them right here for your viewing pleasure. Below are “Circus” and “Womanizer”, both performed on the show this morning, as well as some special birthday messages delivered to Brit by a couple of today’s HOTTEST celebs.

I must admit, Brit LOOKS fantabulous. Happy Birthday, beotch!

P.S. Don’t forget, the album drops today!

Despite Papa Jamie’s leash on Brit Brit and helping her get her feet pointed in the right direction, Brit Brit is sad. A bag of Cheetos and a frappe always helps me cope with the day to day hoopla of being a gossip blogger.

If you didn’t watch the much-anticipated Brit documentary, you didn’t miss a whole lot. The revelations weren’t shocking and there was no mention of Adnan, Psycho Sam Lufti, or the whacked out pink wig episodes. C’mon you KNOW you wanted to hear about that Cheeto-ness. I did.

What I got out of the whole one hour jibber jabber was that despite Papa Jamie helping her with shiznit, Brit Brit wants to be free from the conservatorship and wants to be free to search for that new gold-digging husband.

One of the most disturbing quotes from Cheeto Brit’s mouth was one which she told her friends,
‘I’m going to write the man of my dreams on my arm. I’m going to get married next year and have babies. Watch!” Ummm okay. Somehow I don’t think this beotch has learned.

‘You can’t really go there in a complete state of happiness because you’re scared it’s going to be taken away. So it’s better just not to feel anything at all and to have hope to feel the other way….When I tell people the way I feel they hear me, but they’re really not listening. They hear what they want to hear. They don’t really listen to what I’m telling them.

She started to sob as she added: “It’s bad. I’m sad.”

The truth of the matter is that Brit Brit has had ALL the chances and possibilities to have a great life, but because she is ignorant right now, she is just a cow who is being milked for mad Cheeto money. Because her comeback performances have been nothing to write home about, I’m thinking girlfriend needs to disappear off the radar. Earn her kids back and just leave. The end.

Click after the jump for pics of Brit in London, greeting fans and smiling that Cheetorific smile. BTW, isn’t that the balcony Michael Jackson dangled Blanket from?
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Britney was called up by Simon Cowell to perform on the live UK reality show “X-Factor” (the United States equivalent to “American Idol) to stage a comeback performance. Successfully Britney’s appearance attracted the series’s highest audience of 12.8 million. But, it wasn’t all Cheetos and frappes for the orange-stained-fingered star.

Britney pissed off the Brits by performing in true Britney style…prancing out in skimpy attire and NOT showcasing her voice.

In fact, on the show that features wanna-be singers, Brit did not sing a lick. According to a source, Britney mimed to her new hit “Womanizer” on the show on Saturday night, apparently because she wanted to concentrate fully on her dance routine. By contrast, all the contestants, who are not professional singers, had to deliver their own performance live.

All the contestants I am sure felt pretty good about their performances after seeing the Britster “live”. Unfortunately, they may not ever be as famous Britney is or was. Such is life!

Well as personal as the Britster is “allowed” to get with interviewers these days. Rolling Stone’s Jenny Elisco received the Cheeto-rific honor to visit with the pop princess in a very strict and more guarded environment. Not only did Rolling Stone need to submit the questions to Britney and her camp beforehand, but they were forbidden to talk about the conservatorship. The Rolling Stone issue doesn’t hit newsstands until Friday, but we’ve dug up some highlights for you to enjoy. Peep ‘em below:

On Her Tater Tot and Small Fry:

“Every time they come to visit me, I think about how they’re such special people. Like, they’re going to preschool now! I went there to pick them up on Friday, and seeing them in their little classroom and seeing Jayden being bad or not listening? It’s like, those are mine, and it’s just crazy, you know what I mean? And the things that are coming out of their mouths right now — they’re learning so much, and it’s new, and you never know what they’re going to say, and they’re so smart yet so innocent. They’re obsessed with monsters, and every night we look outside, and we have to show them that there’s no monsters out there. It’s dark outside, but there’s nothin’ out there, you know?”

On K-Fed’s Amazing Parenting Skills:

“(The boys) are starting to learn words like stupid, and Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn’t get it from us. He must get it from his daddy. I say it, but not around my kids.”

On chaperoned dates:

“Right when we got there, we just knew it was just bad. He looked like an older version of Harry Potter, but skinnier. … So I had to get dessert first. And the other date I had, the guy was really, really tall and a lot older. … We’re trying to ask him questions, like, ‘OK, you’re into martial arts, so what kind of martial arts are you into?’ And he was like, ‘Oh, all kinds.’ … But you know how silly we are, so we were just cracking up.”

On her life post-breakdown:

“I feel like an old person now . . .I do! I go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night, and I don’t go out or anything.”

Sounds like girlfriend is still on a leash. I’m afraid Brit has a LONG ways to go before she will be able to be out on her own. But, BIG kudos to Papa Spears for keeping Brit under lock and key! It’s apparently what she needed.

Thanks to imeem, you can now listen to Britney’s highly-anticipated “Circus” in its entirety. So, break out the Cheetos and the Frapps. It’s time to get Cheeto-rific, y’all.

After hearing these Cheese-tastic tracks, will YOU be supporting Britney and lining her pockets with your hard-earned Cheeto money?

Hindsight is always 20/20. But, WE all knew Kevin Federline was a bad idea for Britney…a sponge…a gold digger…a hanger-on…or as R and B group TLC once sang…a scrub. However, Britney married him, reproduced two spawns and now K-Fed is set fo’ lyfe. HOLLA!

In the above video, Brit admits she married K-Fed for the wrong reasons. Well, it’s obvious K-Fed knew why he was marrying Brit and golly gee, he won himself a lifetime supply of Cheetos.

Brit, on the other hand, the Cheeto-star should have listened to “No Scrubs” more in depth and told Fedder, “I’m lookin’ like class and you’re lookin’ like trash, I can’t get wit’ no deadbeat ass.” But, whatevs. She’s gotta deal with the issues at hand.

For your listening pleasure, I present to you the song of the day, “No Scrubs”.

Break out the Kleenex and the Cheetos. Brit Brit is sad. In an exclusive documentary to air on MTV networks, Britney Spears gets candid, deep, and makes us want to curl up in our bed with a bag of Cheetos and crunch until our fingers turn permanently orange.

While Britney may seem as if her life is starting to get on track, do not be fooled. The Cheeto-rific beotch is still messed up.

Despite her whirlwind of a year, Brit should maybe count her blessings. Her father Jamie Spears has taken the reins and still remains the permanent conservator of her affairs and Brit says her controlled existence sucks. She admits: “There’s no excitement, there’s no passion. I have really good days, and then I have bad days. Even when you go to jail, y’know, there’s the time when you’re gonna get out. ‘But in this situation, it’s never ending. It’s just like Groundhog Day every day.”

She continues on to say: “I think it’s too in control. If I wasn’t under the restraints I’m under, I’d feel so liberated. When I tell them the way I feel, it’s like they hear but they’re really not listening. If you do something wrong in your work, you can move on, but I’m having to pay for a long time. I never wanted to become one of those prisoner people. I always wanted to feel free. I think I’ve learned my lesson now and enough is enough.”

Hmmmm, sounds to me like the little groundhog needs to go back in her hole and hide for awhile. Girlfriend has the means to take a vacation, to get out of the limelight…just DO IT! And don’t come back for a year. This chick sounds FAR from being mentally stable. Pfffft. Take that furry little weave and hide!!!! That’s what I would do.

Source: MTV