She may have just endured a late night of celebrating, but that doesn’t stop newly 50-year-old Madonna from getting her booty up and heading to the gym. Talk about dedication!

According to an insider, Madonna’s party was a riotous affair at London club Volstead, organized by her sweet husband Guy Ritchie.

Guy-O dished out $200,000 on a high-class spread including bottles of pink Krug champagne and Crack Baby vodka and champagne cocktails.

Guy knows how to do it big! Get the ole’ beotch drunk! That’s probably the only way Guy can get Madonna to allow him to sleep in her bed at night, instead of the couch! Smart man!

Madonna and Guy’s marriage may be on the rocks, but what better thing to do to improve a relationship than by adopting an orphan? Umm…hello…if St. Angelina and Brad can do it…why can’t Madonna? Madonna is ALMOST saint-like, right?

Officials have confirmed the star has resumed her bid to adopt a second Malawian child, and has already visited the girl in the home country of her son David.

Malawian adoption minister Penstone Kilembe told a source: ‘Madonna’s representatives have been visiting the girl.

‘The adoption is now advanced - the government is waiting for Madonna to forward the petition of adoption formalities.’

So, apparently another girl may be added to the Ritchie clan. I wonder what Guy thinks about this! Just another child support payment if a divorce occurs! Show me the MONEY!

I don’t.

For $30,000 you CAN have Madonna’s face.

I personally am not a big fan of sunken-in cheeks with what looks to be acorns packed up in the upper cheek bones. It’s just not appealing, unless of course you are a squirrel. And, I’m pretty sure Madonna is not part-squirrel. If she starts shelling acorns with her teeth, I will become concerned.

Apparently, cosmetic surgeons adore Madonna’s face and have named it the “New New Face”…which is supposedly a “high honor” in the name of cosmetic surgery. (Even though Madonna denies having plastic surgery, of course.) Yay for Madonna.

According to a source, Dr. Rosenberg used Meg Ryan as an example of the ‘Old New Face’, saying, “‘Meg may think she looks beautiful, but what we are picking up on is a sense that maybe there is an over-inflation of the lips, there’s an over-abundance of fillers in her face.”

Yeah Meg, take the hint, Dr. Rosenberg thinks your ugly. Heart-shape-faced squirrels are the “in” thing THESE days! The Olsen twins were also named as having the “New New” faces. Well, yippie freakin’ doo.

So, remember that peeps…next time you get cosmetic work done on your face, just ask for the “heart-shape-faced-squirrel look”, aka. the Madonna and the surgeons will LOVE you.

But, will you LOVE YOU?

Alvin, Simon, Theodore, and…Madonna? Odd name for a chipmunk, I know, right? But, Madonna sure has the look down!

Madonna was spotted out and about NYC once again leaving a Kabbalah center. (First photo, NOT the second one.) Girlfriend looked a tad stressed (hmmm, wonder why?) or either that she has QUITE a few acorns packed and tucked up in her upper cheeks.

Winter is approaching, but not for at least another three to four months from now. Unless…Madonna is planning to go into hibernation a tad bit earlier this year? Hmmm…

Madonna may be going through a lot right now…being accused of an affair with one of baseball’s top dogs …her marriages in shambles…and her childhood/pre-Guy Richie-life exposed by her own (brother)…but Madonna isn’t shying away from cameras. Oh, no SHE isn’t!

In fact, Madonna is doing quite the opposite, spending quality Kabbalah time with Guy Richie and kiddies and exercise time with BFF Gwyneth Paltrow. Yesterday, Gwyneth and Madonna were spotted out and about in the Hamptons with a couple of their rug rats.

Gwynnie Gwin Gwin can make it all better.

Getting texted for the very first time…
Like a schooool boy.
To see your number, come up on mine….
Cellphone. Ahhhh.

Payback is a bitch and certainly just may be one in the A-Rod-Madonna scandal. Apparently there are some pretty raunchy text messages on A-Rod’s phone FROM Madonna and Cynthia (A-Rod’s soon-to-be-ex-wife) has copies of these alleged texts. A pal of Alex told a source how he acted like a “smitten schoolboy” as he swapped texts.

But, remember folks…it was NOTHING sexual. Just like…Bill Clinton did NOT have sexual relations with that woman.

Ha! I can’t wait for this to get nasty.

Madonna is not that great of an actress as we already know. (Swept Away was like wearing socks with open-toed sandals…ONE HOT MESS!) Couldn’t they at least LOOK like they are still in love with each other?

Madonna and Guy both deny, deny, and deny some more that their marriage is at an end. In a rumored last attempt effort to save their marriage, Guy Ritchie flew out to NYC to join Madonna. And, from the looks of it, they left NYC TOGETHER.

According to a source, the couple is trying to overcome their differences for the sake of the children and talk of divorce is premature.

‘The main issue is what Madonna sees at the complete lack of support Guy has shown for her in all her recent projects,’ the source said. This has been an ongoing argument but came to a head over the adoption.

This is so so sad. I’d love to be a fly in the wall in that household. Gotta feel bad for those kiddies!

Despite rumors of the Big “D” swirling, a rep for Madonna says NO, the couple is not planning to divorce. Guy must have done some major begging and pleading last night on his last minute trip to NYC.

Rumors that the London-based couple planned to split have been circulating for months, fueled most recently by reports that the singer had lined up Fiona Shackleton, a lawyer for Paul McCartney in his bitter divorce from Heather Mills.

The speculation reached a fever pitch last week in London, where the Daily Mirror newspaper dedicated two front pages to the plight of the couple’s marriage.

Well, we HOPE this is true. Do it for the kids, Madonna. For the kids!

Fake smiles. Forced affection. Depressing ensembles. Madonna and Guy Ritchie aren’t what we thought they were. Well, WE actually didn’t think they would last.

Good grief, their relationship seems SO fake and ridiculously uncomfortable. It was only a matter of time before Madonna got bored.

I mean geez, everytime they are together they are wearing dark, morbid colors…it’s almost like they are mourning their marriage. And as of late, there have been no pictures of them together where they TRULY seemed happy to be with each other.

According to a source, “They tried to put on a show of ‘togetherness’ at Cannes Film Festival last month, but photos showed them looking pained and distracted.

Madge has previously said in an MTV documentary that she “got married for all the wrong reasons”.

She added: “My husband did not turn out to be everything I imagined him to be.. I wanted to end everything.”

A friend of the couple told a newspaper that the two “live like brother and sister rather than husband and wife, and thought it best to call it a day”.

So, who will get the kids, Rocco and adopted David? And, will Madonna break up Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel? Hmmm…the suspense is killing me. I honestly thought it was over after the release of “Swept Away”. That movie RUINED Madonna’s acting career.

RIP Madge and Guy Ritchie’s marriage.

Madonna made a list and Madonna checked that list twice. And, Madonna gave that list to the the staff of the Carlton Hotel where she is staying while attending the Cannes film festival and said, Now, bitches! Ok, so maybe those weren’t her exact words, but we would expect nothing less from a diva like Madgie.

So, what was on that trusty ole’ listy list she presented to her “slave drivers” at the Carlton?

According to a source, Madonna wanted flowers and scented candles, the temperature fixed at 30 degrees Celsius and treadmills for her and her husband moved to their suite so that they could work out together, among other things.

Ok, I want to know what the “other things” were. Extra toilet paper? A gold plated toilet seat? Cherry Flavored Condoms? Come on, people, you’re slackin’! Inquiring minds want to know!

Image Source:  Wire Image