Hayden Panettiere’s papa needs some help and it all stems from the bottle in last night’s incident that left him in the clinker. Bam! Behind bars.

According to a source, Alan Panettiere, a retired firefighter who owns a string of Laundromats in Long Island, was booked at a West Hollywood station on one felony count of spousal abuse and released this afternoon after posting a $50,000 bond.

Yep, Mr. P has allegedly hit his wife after a boozed-up spat between the couple. I don’t care who you are…alcohol abuse is bad enough as it is. But, to hit a woman? You’ve got some serious problems, dude! Even if his wife was provoking him, Alan P. is still a douche-bag for slapping his wife around!

So, what will come of this? Was this an isolated incident or is divorce now the talk over dinner in the Panettiere household?

This is the new album cover for Jessica Simpson’s album due out in September. And, apparently, it is lyrically “deep”…By Jessica’s standards anyways.

In a new song called “Remember That” Jessica sings, “It doesn’t matter how he hurts you / With his hands or with his words / You don’t deserve it / It ain’t worth it / Take your heart and run.”

When asked by an interviewer for Elle magazine, Jessica is asked whether she has ever been physically abused. Her reply? “I don’t want to talk about it, but I have definitely experienced abuse in a way that I would tell people to take their heart and run.”

Hmmm, so who was it? Perhaps it was the Chicken of The Sea comments and mockery that caused Jessica emotional pain? Ok, Ok…we kid. We hope Papa Joe doesn’t get his hands on that schmuck who abused Jessica! There’ll be hell to pay!

Or maybe Papa Joe TOLD Jess to make something like this up to get some publicity? A little planting of a story? Hey…We’re just sayin’.