While Katie looks like this…
Tom looks like this.
But the king boy of Scientology shouldn’t have that big fat grin on his face. Perhaps he had a good hearty bowl of placenta soup before this “Valkyrie” promotion, but word on the street is….well to put it mildly, “Valkyrie” sucks.
Reviewers have been giving the film and its “star” the big fat SUCKAGE rating and it’s harshest critic was the Associated Press’s Christy Lemire…calling Cruise a placenta-stew-loving-couch-jumper who belongs locked up in a cage at the San Diego Zoo. (we kid) “Cruise is both the central figure in “Valkyrie” and it’s weakest link. He’s distractingly bad in this … With his hard, flat American accent, he stands out in every single scene. And he’s not a good enough actor to immerse himself in this kind of period piece,” she says. Ohhhhh snap.
MSNBC film critic Alonso Duralde said, “…There’s a gaping hole at the center of Valkyrie, and his name is Tom Cruise. He’s the only actor in the film not doing either a British or a German accent — more on that in a moment — and he spends every moment on screen glowering and purring angrily. The actor appears lost without being able to launch his usual charm offensive, and whatever dark sides that Oliver Stone was once able to plumb from this performer seems nonexistent.” Ouch.
Germans have criticized the actor’s performance as well, “Cruise as Stauffenberg is about as deep as a bowl of cornflakes,’ said the Bild am Sonntag newspaper. “The only thing that can definitely be said about this cinema adventure is that Tom Cruise, who has been damaged by his bizarre talk show behavior, may well continue storming the heights of the Scientology hierarchy as a thetan - but his image as an actor has been finally ruined by Valkyrie.”
So there you have it. Cruise as an angry cat, dumber than a bowl of corn flakes and the weakest link.
Anne Robinson could not have said it better, my friends…and you KNOW Anne don’t play!
