Inside the mind of Earl Simmons:

Hi. My name is Earl. They called me DMX when I was cool. But, the coppers know me as Earl. In fact, the coppers know me real well. Guess what? I got arrested. Again. This is the 456809480507078th time. I’m a loser. I like Doritoes. No, I’m not a loser because I like Doritoes. I’m a loser ‘cuz I think it’s cool to get in trouble with the law. A bag of Doritoes is my munchy of choice. I’m dumb. Real dumb. Don’t know why I got arrested, but I did.

Well, Earl…he’s got some freakin’ problems!

According to reports, Earl was taken into custody outside a Wal-Mart store in north Miami Beach on a warrant issued by a Maricopa County Superior Court commissioner.

I’m guessing he got busted on a “munchy run”.

The 37-year-old, who has a home outside Phoenix, failed to appear on Tuesday for a pretrial conference on charges relating to marijuana and drug paraphernalia possession, one of several legal battles he faces in Arizona.

Take the keys and lock him up!

Well, peeps…

Tonight, DMX was just arrested for the 394958569th Time…this time at a Phoenix mall on a felony charge of taking the identity of another.

Drugs, outstanding warrants, fights, animal abuse…Will D ever learn?

Uhhh…probably never.

Could Nick Carter’s little bro be heading to rehab? Rumors have been going around that Aaron Carter may be checking himself into Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. Too much wacky tabacky can definitely be a cause for concern!  Put DOWN the bag of Doritoes and get your booty to rehab if that is what it takes.

According to the New York Post, stars who may seize the opportunity to get some help include pop singer Aaron Carter, basketball star Dennis Rodman, Skid Row musician Sebastian Bach and former madam Heidi Fleiss. Although some of these names could clearly benefit from the program, VH1 would not comment on any of the casting rumors. Production on the next season of Rehab is scheduled to begin in June.

I hate to sound cliche, but this show is addicting. The only thing is, is that I wish the viewers could pick who they wanted to see on the show.  Wouldn’t that be HOT?  I think I’d have the best cast of celebs.

Wouldn’t you love to see Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Dennis Rodman, Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty, DMX and Kate Moss all in one house together?  How INSANE would that be?! Poor Dr. Drew would probably start smoking a little of the wacky tabacky himself after dealing with that HOT MESS!

Another person with a bad week…washed up rapper DMX!

Not surprising considering he has nothing else to do with his time but get himself into trouble.  Poor guy!

Earlier this week he got arrested for a months old traffic violation and now just today, according to a source, DMX was “arrested at his Phoenix-area home on suspicion of animal abuse and felony drug possession following a search of the house and, before that, a brief standoff with police when he attempted to shut himself up in his bedroom.”

Apparently, detectives seized weapons and drugs from DMX’s home…and probably several bags of Doritoes, Twizzlers, Laffy Taffy, Reese’s Pieces, Corn Chips, and Lemon Heads.  Well, it’s pretty sad that he can feed his face, but not the dogs he owned.  Police also removed five pit bull puppies from the rapper’s home who were obviously VERY malnourished.

DMX needs to be put in jail and be forced to listen to R. Kelly music ALL DAY, every day.

Note:  DMX and R. Kelly had a huge fall out in 2007 when R. Kelly refused to work with DMX on a gospel album.  Ironic.