John Mayer | Danity Donnaly

D Is For Douche.

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

John Mayer wants his cake and will eat it too. Because Jennifer Aniston has laid the smack down on John Mayer’s flap trapping when it comes to the media about their boot knockin’, John Mayer ain’t got shiz to talk about. Instead, John takes to his blog to talk about cakes. What is Jen turning John into Betty Crocker now, too? Or is this just some sentimental secret revelation that is supposed to soften our hearts?

Anyman, Johnny gives us an insight to what his holiday spirit entails through his bloggy blog:

And to make sure that triumph continues through the holiday season, I am dedicating this blog to the spirit of the holidays. And what is the best way to harness that spirit? Through baking cakes.

I will debut my first of several festive holiday cakes this Saturday night. I invite everyone reading this to join me in the simple joy of expression through baking, and to send me photos of your delicious creations. You think I’m crazy now, but once you apply the last dollop of frosting, or that finishing touch of icing, you’ll understand that there’s just no hiding from the feeling.

And there’s definitely no hiding from the standing ovation I just gave Johnny and the sudden urge to clap uncontrollably.

Everybody clap now…

Pat a cake, Pat a cake, baker’s man, Bake me a cake as fast as you can;
Pat it and roll it and mark it with a “D”
And put it in the oven for Douche-y and me! YAY!!!

Click HERE to check out some of Johnny’s cake creations. I must admit…Johnny’s cakes look good enough to eat!

Image Source: Splash

Jennifer Aniston Dubs Saint Angelina As “Uncool”.

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

It’s been FOUR years since the divorce that had the world crying. But, 39394858 kids later and a scandalous alleged affair with the Saint of The World, Brad Pitt has obviously moved on…while Jennifer is finally speaking. And trust me when I say this, Miss Jenny Jen Jen is gonna help sell a ridiculous amount of December Vogue magazines!

Here are a few of the highlights from the highly anticipated interview:

On Things Saint Angelina Told Media Outlets About Her Relations With Pitt:

“There was stuff printed there that was definitely from a time when I was unaware that it was happening. I felt those details were a little inappropriate to discuss. That stuff about how she couldn’t wait to get to work every day? That was really uncool.”

On Whether She Has Had Contact With Her Ex:

“I have nothing but absolute admiration for him, and I’m proud of him. We have exchanged a few very kind hellos and wishing you wells and sending you love and congratulations on your babies.”

On Why The Divorce Wasn’t THAT Horrible:

“Well, it never was that bad. I mean, look, it’s not like divorce is something that you go, “Oooh, I can’t wait to get divorced!” It doesn’t feel like a tickle. But I’ve got to tell you, it’s so vague at this point, it’s so faraway in my mind, I can’t even remember the darkness. I mean, in the end, we really had an amicable split. It wasn’t mean and hateful and all of this stuff that they tried to create about Brad can’t talk to Jen and Jen can’t talk to Brad because this person won’t allow it. It just didn’t happen. The marriage didn’t work out.”

On Why People Need To Quit Feeling Sorry For Her:

“This whole “Poor lonely Jen” thing, this idea that I’m so unlucky in love? I actually feel I’ve been unbelievably lucky in love. Just because at this stage my life doesn’t have the traditional framework to it - the husband and the two kids and the house in Connecticut - it’s mine.

It’s my experience. And if you don’t like the way it looks, then stop looking at it! Because I feel good. I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be any further along or somewhere that I’m not. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

On Boy Toy John Mayer:

“We care about each other. It’s funny when you hit a place in a relationship and you both realize, “We maybe need to do something else,” but you still really, really love each other.

It’s painful. There was no malicious intent. I deeply, deeply care about him; we talk, we adore one another. And that’s where it is.”

Source: Vogue

Jen And John Are Mountainside Lovers.

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

Jen and John may be trying to keep their love on the down low, but sorry to break it to ya, it ain’t gonna happen.

The desperate duo have been attempting to piece their relationship back together after breaking up in August following their intense summer romance.

According to tabloid Star magazine, Johnny and Jen spent a romantic weekend together at Sanctuary Camelback Mountain Resort & Spa in Paradise Valley. What better way to rekindle a romance than by camping out mountainside. I’m sure John serenaded Jen beneath the bright corn moon…yodeling a familiar folk tune with pained constipation facial expressions only Jen could appreciate. HOT!

They stayed at a private home within the resort that that costs $4000 a night and comes with a home cinema, outdoor Jacuzzi and flagstone fireplace.

Hmmmm, I wonder who dished out the ching for this mini-vacation?

A source told The Star: “Their hideaway was tucked into the mountains and was so private that you couldn’t even see the driveway from the street. Once they checked in, the couple was never seen leaving their home.”

Saucy, saucy! Let’s see how long Round Two lasts. What is your prediction on the romance of JenJohn? Will he sperminate her and give her the babies she is longing for?

Image Source: X17Online

John And Man Give It Another Go.

Monday, October 20th, 2008

Just when you think Jennifer Aniston wised up, she has taken a step back and back into the arms of John Mayer, the infamous playboy. Your proof is in the above photo as the love-struck duo joined three friends for dinner at the Sunset Tower Hotel in Hollywood last Tuesday night.

This is the THIRD time the pair have been spotted together in just one week. You KNOW they are knocking boots!

An onlooker said, “They looked like they had the best time. They were holding hands at one point and seemed very much back on. She seemed extremely happy to be back with him. They were close and laughing the whole time with their friends.”

Ok wait one hot minute…I thought you couldn’t reheat old meat? I hate to be a negative Nancy here, but if it didn’t work the first time around, it’s surely not going to work the second time around for the EXACT same reasons. Unless, of course….the bitch is preggers?!

Image Source: x17online

Jen And John Knocking Boots?

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

Here we go again, peeps. It seems Jen hasn’t gotten playboy John out of her mind or her heart yet. *sigh*

The National Enquirer(a reliable source, right?) has reported that John and Jen from New York to Los Angeles together…reuniting for a little boot-knockin’ and romantic smooch fest.

“They were very lovey-dovey,” an insider told the Enquirer. “They kissed several times and hugged each other tightly. John gave her a long, lingering kiss.”

Once in L.A. they went their separate ways but insiders say they will be seeing each other before too long.

I’m seriously hoping Jen isn’t THAT desperate. This could just be a goodbye-forever-you-freakin’-loser kiss that permanently bids farewell to the jerk…only with class.

Yeah, whatevs…I’m thinking it’s desperation…that is, IF this rumor is true.

Image Source: XPosure Photos

Jennifer Aniston And John Mayer Reconciliation?

Thursday, September 25th, 2008

Woe is Jennifer Aniston. Since the tragic split of cougarlicious Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer last month, Jennifer has been enduring sadness and deep regret. According to a source, just recently Jennifer reached out to John longing for one more chance at love.

A friend said that Jennifer downed some cocktails and drunk dialed Johnny boy telling him how much she missed him and how much she wants to have his babies. Well, maybe not those EXACT words but she definitely phoned up John and since that first desperate move by Jen theyâ€™ve been in contact pretty much every day since. Sources say that heâ€™s really looking forward to seeing her again soon. Translation: He cannot wait to have sexy time with her again.

The source added: “Jen just needs to be careful about not being so needy and vulnerable when it comes to men. Unfortunately partying tends to bring that side out of her and sheâ€™s a lot more appealing to John when she parties less.” Ya think?

My advice to Jen is don’t mention marriage…don’t mention your clock ticking and your desperate desire to have children…just put out, enjoy the moment and your man will be happy.

Image Source: Matrix

Jessica Simpson Is Still Obsessed With Tony Romo.

Friday, September 19th, 2008

Whether you like it or not, the Papa Joe puppet and wanna-be Dolly Parton known as Jessica Simpson has the number one country record. Yeah, boo hiss. But, who cares about that? All Jessica seems to flap her jaw about is her gomer-looking boyfriend, Tony Romo. Come on, it ISN’T ALL about the music.

“Tony is a great quarterback, but he’s a better boyfriend,” Simpson tells People. “I’m seriously proud of myself for letting him into my life.” Translation: I’m so glad my Papa Joe arranged this relationship for me. He didn’t have to pay him too much either. At least I don’t think so. Hee Hee.

Claiming that she’s tough to be around — “I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABCs” — she says she’s thankful for her Cowboy. “Through all the chaos and torment and everything I go through, I can lay in his arms and finally rest,” she says. Ummm…ok, then. I think she forgot to mention that poor Tony has to wear a gas mask every night he goes to bed too. Sounds like it’s the chaos and torment SHE puts Tony through that she needs to worry about. Good grief.

Anytoot, Jessica performed last night for charity, helping to raise money for the Rape Crisis Center in Las Vegas. Click after the jump for Jessica’s best John Mayer impersonations. Damn, sometimes I wish they would have stayed together and performed together on stage. That would have been one sweet moment full of goofy facial expressions. Oh. Well.
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John Mayer Gets Back To Business.

Sunday, August 31st, 2008

John ain’t crapola without Jennifer Aniston and he knows it. Too bad he had to be such a douche-bag. Oh well. It’s over. And, Johnny is back on the stage pouring his love into his guitar. (and getting some groupie lovin’ as well, I am sure.)

John hit up the The Verizon Wireless Amphitheater at Encore Park for a show with One Republic on Friday night. John’s summer tour is set to end tonight in West Palm Beach, Florida. So, what’s to come? Hopefully some serious self-examination.

Image Source: Wire Image

Jennifer Aniston To Return To NBC.

Sunday, August 31st, 2008

Jennifer Aniston is finally getting her booty back to the small screen on a show that just might do her some good. J-AN’s (let’s just call her Jan from now on) rep has confirmed that she will be making a guest appearance on the hit show “30 Rock”. HOLLA!

She hasn’t had a hit since well…probably since she dated John Mayer…but that’s not the kind of hit I’m talking about….I’m talking about a hit SHOW or MOVIE…since well…”Friends”.

Jen is scheduled to begin shooting any day now at NYC’s Silvercup Studios. Let’s hope this does Jen some good! Tina Fey to the rescue!

Jennifer Smiles!

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

She may be not that bad of an actress as I initially thought. Jennifer Aniston gives the ole’ paps a smear of a smile as she leaves hot spot restaurant Nobu.

Looks like John hasn’t gotten the best of her…completely. We all know she went home and smashed up the free watch John gave her and then she called up Courtney and David for a group hug session.

Poor Jen. The eyes say it all. She wants to cut off his wee wee.