For all you Madge-inites who think Madge is keeping her vadge to herself, you best re-think your virginal thoughts. We’re talking about a seasoned 50-year-old woman who prances around on stage in a leotard. There is nothing you can say or do that will lead me to believe that Madge and A-Rod aren’t bumping genitals. As sick as it sounds, you KNOW it is true.

This weekend, Madge must have been busy Kabbalah-ing it up and/or working on her fitness to join in the fun of the opening of Fontainebleu Hotel in Miami. A-Rod was there. So were two of Madge’s BFF’s. And, from the way it sounds, it was probably a good thing Madge’s pals, Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna’s BFF Ingrid Casares were there…otherwise A-Rod would have gotten away with flirting. I know, gawd forbid.

According to Ok! magazine, a dark-haired beauty in a short black dress approached A-Rod and he seemed smitten.

“They looked like they were flirting,” one eyewitness tells OK! about Alex and his chatting partner. “A-Rod’s body language was open and casual, and he had a big smile.” But, not for long…

About fifteen minutes into the conversation, in jumps Ingrid to steal A-Rod’s attention. A source said, “She wedged herself in between A-Rod and the brunette and didn’t even acknowledge that the other woman was there,” recalls the partygoer to OK!. “Ingrid diverted Alex’s attention and made sure to keep him deep in conversation.”

Good to know Madge has got some sneaky little pals to make sure her boy toy behaves himself!

Image Source: Splash

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Reports have surfaced that mean old Madge drew up a marriage contract that Guy Ritchie had to abide by on a daily basis. In other words, Madge had Guy on a leash AND in a cage.

How come this marriage contract doesn’t seem to make me drop my jaw, shake my head, and point my finger in disbelief??

After attending counseling two years ago, the alleged document detailed a list of rules for Guy in which he was told he ‘must work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual well-being’, ‘resolve conflicts in a constructive way’, and devote time to the couple’s ’sexual expressiveness’.

But, wait…it gets even better…

According to The Sun the document even had instructions on what words Guy should use during arguments, and he was told to ’state calmly: I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this.’ He was also expected to spend several hours reading Kabbalah texts with his estranged wife.

So, there you have it. Sounds like one hellish life, if you ask me. The question I have is what was Madge instructed to do to help improve their marriage?

According to the details revealed…not a damn thing. And why is that you ask?

Well didn’t you know that in a marriage only one person should be forced to do all the work? DUH!

Image Source: PhotoLink

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For those of you who didn’t know and who give a rat’s ass, Madonna is a beotch. I’m sorry but I totally feel sorry for Guy Ritchie in this divorce case. She’s a douche bag, he’s a douche bag. Thus, two douches equal either a perfect union or a tragic ending.

Well, all I can tell you is that this divorce is already getting nasty and the truth is coming out as Your Madgesty and One-Eyed Guy’s camps are mudslinging fools!

Not only was Madonna’s Kabbalah obsession an issue for Mr. Guy, but so was her DAILY insistence on sticking to a grueling four-hour exercise routine…so much so that Madge cut Guy OFF from the Madge Vadge! Oh the cruelty!

According to a source, Madonna’s strict regime reportedly meant the couple went for 18 months without making love. When they did find time to make love, it was like ‘cuddling up to a piece of gristle’, Ritchie is said to have told friends.

Yikes!

So what does Guy think about Madge’s buff bod? Well, Madge is alleging he would tell her that she really should give up the live touring and that she looked like a…wait for it…granny….!!!

Wowsers! Can you believe the low blow!?! GRANNY!!!! This is gonna get real bad.

Madonna, on the other hand, Madonna has rambled on to a friend,

“I’m totally devastated that Guy’s turned out to be such a gold-digger. I thought we’d been on a spiritual journey together for the past ten years — but obviously I was wrong. He’s just after my money. I’ve worked my ass off for the last 30 years to get what I have, and now this gold-digger wants to take it from me. Kabbalah philosophy teaches that you don’t take what you haven’t earned. Well that’s exactly what Guy is doing. He hasn’t earned a penny of it, yet wants to take, take, take.

He keeps upping his demands — he just wants more, and more, and more from me. It’s unbelievable.”

Wowsers. Stay tuned for the war of words to unfold…

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I must admit Madge is damn fit for a fifty-year-old, with her bulging biceps and her rippling veins. Now, sexy for a fifty-year-old? That is not exactly the word I would use to describe ummm Madge…a few more nuts and bolts and she’d BE the modern day Frankenstein. Yikes!

In fact, I’m almost scared to say anything mean about Madge because she may just unexpectedly reach right through my computer screen and demand an arm wrestling match. And, to be honest with you, I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready. Your Madgesty would cut off all circulation with just one grab of my arm and leave me struggling to breathe. I tell ya, I wouldn’t have a prayer against Madge.

Speaking of prayer, Madge and her adopted son David Banda have been seen for THREE consecutive days at the NYC Kabbalah Center.

According to a source, Madonna made no secret of her plans to raise her youngest son as a follower of Kabbalah when she first took over as his carer, but insists he is free to be a Christian like his biological father when he’s older.

Meanwhile, husband Guy Ritchie appears to be having more fun across the Atlantic, last night rubbing shoulders with Rachel McAdams and Robert Downey Jr. at a photo call for his film Sherlock Holmes.

Such a busy little family!

Image Source: Matrix Photos

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Alvin, Simon, Theodore, and…Madonna? Odd name for a chipmunk, I know, right? But, Madonna sure has the look down!

Madonna was spotted out and about NYC once again leaving a Kabbalah center. (First photo, NOT the second one.) Girlfriend looked a tad stressed (hmmm, wonder why?) or either that she has QUITE a few acorns packed and tucked up in her upper cheeks.

Winter is approaching, but not for at least another three to four months from now. Unless…Madonna is planning to go into hibernation a tad bit earlier this year? Hmmm…

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Madonna may be going through a lot right now…being accused of an affair with one of baseball’s top dogs …her marriages in shambles…and her childhood/pre-Guy Richie-life exposed by her own (brother)…but Madonna isn’t shying away from cameras. Oh, no SHE isn’t!

In fact, Madonna is doing quite the opposite, spending quality Kabbalah time with Guy Richie and kiddies and exercise time with BFF Gwyneth Paltrow. Yesterday, Gwyneth and Madonna were spotted out and about in the Hamptons with a couple of their rug rats.

Gwynnie Gwin Gwin can make it all better.

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