Inside the mind of Earl Simmons:

Hi. My name is Earl. They called me DMX when I was cool. But, the coppers know me as Earl. In fact, the coppers know me real well. Guess what? I got arrested. Again. This is the 456809480507078th time. I’m a loser. I like Doritoes. No, I’m not a loser because I like Doritoes. I’m a loser ‘cuz I think it’s cool to get in trouble with the law. A bag of Doritoes is my munchy of choice. I’m dumb. Real dumb. Don’t know why I got arrested, but I did.

Well, Earl…he’s got some freakin’ problems!

According to reports, Earl was taken into custody outside a Wal-Mart store in north Miami Beach on a warrant issued by a Maricopa County Superior Court commissioner.

I’m guessing he got busted on a “munchy run”.

The 37-year-old, who has a home outside Phoenix, failed to appear on Tuesday for a pretrial conference on charges relating to marijuana and drug paraphernalia possession, one of several legal battles he faces in Arizona.

Take the keys and lock him up!

It was not a good night for the Snoop Dee Oh double gizzle as his tour bus got pulled over on Interstate 45 in Corsicana. For what, you ask? Expired registration tags! (The tour bus-izzle was en route to Dallas for a concert.)

Then to much surprise, the officers did a little sniffin’ and smelled a tad bit of marijuana…which led them to question those on the bus. Marijuana?!!! WHAT?!!!!

I know, I know…I almost peed my pants reading that part.

According to a source, two ounces of the drug were found and Ethan Calhoun, 27, and Kevin Barkey, 26, were arrested after admitting the drugs belonged to them.

Snoop’s dogs would NOT have gotten busted if they would have had updated registration tags on their bus! Or, would they have?

From first glance this pic sort of looks like Z-lister Andy Dick is posing as Batman’s The Joker. However, the orange suit seems to give it all away. Yes, this is a mug shot and yes, Andy is smiling.

Comedian (who isn’t really funny) Andy Dick was arrested this morning for suspicion of drug possession and sexual battery.

According to the LA Times,

Police said they arrived at Buffalo Wild Wings on Murrieta Hot Springs Road at about 1:15 a.m. after receiving reports of an intoxicated man urinating outside. They stopped a truck that was leaving the scene and Dick was in the front seat.

According to Murrieta Police Lt. Dennis Vrooman, a 17-year-old woman said 42-year-old Dick had left the restaurant, walked up to her and pulled down her tank top, exposing her breasts. His friends escorted him to the truck, which was then stopped by police near a Sam’s Club store.

Officers lined up the men in the truck along a curb, and the alleged victim and another witness picked out Dick as the assailant.

Vrooman said Dick was “extremely intoxicated” and that police found marijuana and anti-anxiety Xanax medication in his pockets.

What a shame! Andy never seems to learn. Why does he feel he NEEDS to live up to his last NAME?

My thought on all of this is, once Andy gets this all straightened out, he definitely needs to do a hair piece endorsement. (That CAN’T be his real hair, can it?) Get your life back on track, Andy!

Mary-Kate Olsen has decided to get back to what she was born to do…act! We are happy to hear that the potato-sack wearing twin found time out of her partying schedule to dabble into a little more productive and more rewarding work.

Mary Kate Olsen is taking on a role as an herbalist. This role is far from her wholesome one in Full House. In fact, both Mary-Kate and Ashley are doing their darnedest to be anything but wholesome.

According to a source, The Wackness is a comedy drama starring Famke Janssen, Sir Ben Kingsley and Josh Peck, is set in the summer of 1994, when the streets of New York were pulsing with hip hop and wafting with the aroma of marijuana. The newly-inaugurated mayor, Rudolph Giuliani, had just started implementing his initiatives against noisy portable radio, graffiti and public drunkenness.

Most importantly, in this movie Mary-Kate makes out with Sir Ben Kingsley in a phone booth. Talk about wack and well…weird. Definitely a sight to see!

Could Nick Carter’s little bro be heading to rehab? Rumors have been going around that Aaron Carter may be checking himself into Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. Too much wacky tabacky can definitely be a cause for concern!  Put DOWN the bag of Doritoes and get your booty to rehab if that is what it takes.

According to the New York Post, stars who may seize the opportunity to get some help include pop singer Aaron Carter, basketball star Dennis Rodman, Skid Row musician Sebastian Bach and former madam Heidi Fleiss. Although some of these names could clearly benefit from the program, VH1 would not comment on any of the casting rumors. Production on the next season of Rehab is scheduled to begin in June.

I hate to sound cliche, but this show is addicting. The only thing is, is that I wish the viewers could pick who they wanted to see on the show.  Wouldn’t that be HOT?  I think I’d have the best cast of celebs.

Wouldn’t you love to see Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Dennis Rodman, Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty, DMX and Kate Moss all in one house together?  How INSANE would that be?! Poor Dr. Drew would probably start smoking a little of the wacky tabacky himself after dealing with that HOT MESS!

Another person with a bad week…washed up rapper DMX!

Not surprising considering he has nothing else to do with his time but get himself into trouble.  Poor guy!

Earlier this week he got arrested for a months old traffic violation and now just today, according to a source, DMX was “arrested at his Phoenix-area home on suspicion of animal abuse and felony drug possession following a search of the house and, before that, a brief standoff with police when he attempted to shut himself up in his bedroom.”

Apparently, detectives seized weapons and drugs from DMX’s home…and probably several bags of Doritoes, Twizzlers, Laffy Taffy, Reese’s Pieces, Corn Chips, and Lemon Heads.  Well, it’s pretty sad that he can feed his face, but not the dogs he owned.  Police also removed five pit bull puppies from the rapper’s home who were obviously VERY malnourished.

DMX needs to be put in jail and be forced to listen to R. Kelly music ALL DAY, every day.

Note:  DMX and R. Kelly had a huge fall out in 2007 when R. Kelly refused to work with DMX on a gospel album.  Ironic.