Well, you can forget about that reality show that Kerry Katona got hired on to do for MTV…’cuz it ain’t happenin’. Due to unforeseen circumstances, Miss Katona’s new television show has been scrapped. Ok, let’s be real here. Beotch no longer has a jobby job ‘cuz she’s a drunk who needs rehab, an attitude adjustment, and a clue.

An MTV source told British tabloid, The Sun: “Kerry is in no fit state to make a show. ‘We have to wait and see how she fares in the immediate future. We want to see if she can start taking care of herself.”

Seems to me Kerry looked at Britney Spears’ meltdown and thought hey, what a fantabulous way to get back into the public’s hearts…

Just one hot minute Miss Katona…YOU ARE not Britney Spears…I repeat…YOU…ARE…NOT…A…CHEETO. You have no discerning talents nor redeeming qualities that will MAKE you a celebrity. Get yourself some help. KThanks.

Image Source: Jon Baxter

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Break out the Kleenex and the Cheetos. Brit Brit is sad. In an exclusive documentary to air on MTV networks, Britney Spears gets candid, deep, and makes us want to curl up in our bed with a bag of Cheetos and crunch until our fingers turn permanently orange.

While Britney may seem as if her life is starting to get on track, do not be fooled. The Cheeto-rific beotch is still messed up.

Despite her whirlwind of a year, Brit should maybe count her blessings. Her father Jamie Spears has taken the reins and still remains the permanent conservator of her affairs and Brit says her controlled existence sucks. She admits: “There’s no excitement, there’s no passion. I have really good days, and then I have bad days. Even when you go to jail, y’know, there’s the time when you’re gonna get out. ‘But in this situation, it’s never ending. It’s just like Groundhog Day every day.”

She continues on to say: “I think it’s too in control. If I wasn’t under the restraints I’m under, I’d feel so liberated. When I tell them the way I feel, it’s like they hear but they’re really not listening. If you do something wrong in your work, you can move on, but I’m having to pay for a long time. I never wanted to become one of those prisoner people. I always wanted to feel free. I think I’ve learned my lesson now and enough is enough.”

Hmmmm, sounds to me like the little groundhog needs to go back in her hole and hide for awhile. Girlfriend has the means to take a vacation, to get out of the limelight…just DO IT! And don’t come back for a year. This chick sounds FAR from being mentally stable. Pfffft. Take that furry little weave and hide!!!! That’s what I would do.

Source: MTV

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Britney Spears will appear in a documentary about her tumultuous very public breakdown, admitting that she had no idea what in the world she was thinking during that time of unlimited Cheetos bags consumption and frap mustaches.

From her bitter divorce, her custody battle, rehab, her very public meltdowns and even that one memorably bad performance at the MTV Video Music Awards…Brit is setting the record straight.

Brit told a source, “I sit there and I look back and I’m like, ‘I’m a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?’ I’ve been through a lot in the past two or three years, and there’s a lot that people don’t know.”

If you really want to know what happened to Brit during that nuts-o period, you’ll watch.

MTV. November 30th…conveniently schedule just one week before her new album release.

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Oh the drama of “The Hills”! For those of you who can’t get enough, yet another unfortunate situation has been thrown upon friends Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge. Lauren takes to her blog to clear things up about her “rumored fling” with Audrina’s ex Justin “Bobby” Brescia.

Here we go again…

I woke up this morning in a unfortunately familiar situation. Once again someone has mysteriously called Perez Hilton and had him post another insane and completely false rumor about me. Hmmmmmm… I wonder who it could be? I’m baffled… What kind of person would enjoy watching blogs and the press tear me apart? I really wish I could figure out who would do this. Who is someone that I do not get along with, that possibly has too much time on his hands (between pathetically staged paparazzi shots), that has a relationship with Perez…? No one comes to mind. If anyone can figure it out can you please let me know because I am truly stumped.

The rumor I’m referring to is that I “hooked up” with Audrina’s non- boyfriend Justin.(eww.) This accusation is insulting on so many levels. I’m being accused of being a bad friend, a slut and a liar all at once. It would actually be funny to me if people weren’t taking it seriously. Do they think I was swept away by his wonderful manners and his commitment to my friend? I love it when guys burp in my face. So hot! Seriously?? I have never even been in the same place as Justin when Audrina wasn’t around. I have been there for Audrina for years of ups and downs with this guy. Now she is accusing me of hooking up with him?? It’s the most awkward position to put me in because I can’t defend myself without putting both her and Justin down.

Bottom line, I did not and would never hook up with Justin.

The worse thing is knowing that a friend, that I’ve known for years and even shared a home with, thinks that I’m capable of that kind of betrayal. I would NEVER hurt a friend like that!

Audrina - We promised we wouldn’t let people get into our ears and make us fight. You KNOW I didn’t do this and I have never given you a reason not to trust me. What you are doing is hurtful and I don’t want to fight with you. Whoever is telling you these things does not have your best interest at heart. I have always been there for you and now I’m being attacked for something I didn’t do. We are supposed to be there for each other when other people do this to us and today you are the one doing it to me. Today you are the reason people are saying mean things about me. You asked me if I did this and I told you I didn’t.

Juicy. Does Lauren sound sincere?

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She may have just one hit under her belt, but she already has one thing many other more popular celebs don't have.

A doll.

Integrity Toys has released a doll of the-girl-that-kissed-a-girl-and-liked-it girl Katy Perry and quite frankly, it looks nothing like her. Perhaps that's a good thing?

Perry collaborated with fashion designer Jason Wu in the creation of the 12 inch-tall doll, which will be sold worldwide in a limited edition retailing for $49.99 from Integrity Toys, where Wu also serves as creative director for Integrity’s high-end fashion doll lines. This miniaturized version of Katy will be immediately recognizable as a signature fashion look, with her belted gold mini dress with accordion-pleated skirt, inspired by the wildly popular and 5 times MTV VMA nominated “I Kissed A Girl” video clip.

Why does this exist you ask? To be honest with you, I’m not quite sure. Perhaps this was made for girls all over the world to practice kissing it? That’s all I got.

Check out Katy’s video for her new single “Hot N Cold” below.

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Well temporarily. I know I’m cruel, aren’t I? I know you were hoping she’d move to London forever, but sorry peeps this move is only temporary as Paris gets ready to find a BFF in London. Not quite sure how many BFF’s this chick needs, but apparently the more, the merrier.

Anylazyeye, Paris took to her blog today to discuss some very important topics, like her new single, her new show and her NEW ALBUM? Yep. Hear it right from the horse’s mouth as Paris rambles on her Myspace blog.

Hi guys, I wanted to share the exciting news that the day is finally here: my new show, “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF,” premieres TONIGHT on MTV at 10pm…I will be watching it live from a special premiere party in Hollywood, and I will be live online talking to fans and sharing video. You can visit me at

www.IAmOnMTV.com

during the premiere. I am so proud of the show, the cast, and everyone involved with it–it’s hilarious and I can’t wait to hear what you all think.

Today is also very special because the soundtrack for my upcoming film, “REPO! The Genetic Opera” is released. The cast and producers threw a party last week and we got amazing feedback from the press who attended. I sing on five tracks on the CD and I know that so many of you have been following its progress…don’t miss it! Check out The REPO website for details.

I hope that you all will be able to tune in or listen up to what I’ve been working on lately…I love you all and as always appreciate you and your messages.

It’s been a crazy year but I’m not slowing down! I’ll be writing to you soon from London, where I will be living during October while I film the UK version of my show.

Love you all,

Xoxo Paris

Will you be watching the “BFF” premiere tonight?

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Tension between the Hills’ Lo, Lauren and Audrina must have been way too much for the three roommates. Audrina has decided to pack her belongings and say ta-ta to the other two beotches, leaving them to fend for themselves. So, where does this leave the fake, errr… conflicted MTV stars now? (That is in the hands of the MTV producers, apparently.)

Will Audrina get her own spin-off “reality” show? Things that make you go hmmmmm….

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It’s been sooo long since I’ve seen a Smurf. Remember that cute cartoon? For me it was on right after Saved By The Bell. Saturday mornings used to be so cool. I totally loved waking up Saturday mornings to watch the beloved little blue creatures known as Smurfs. I did hate the fact that Smurfette was the only female smurf to exist, though.

And, well…this is probably as close to a Smurf as I’ll see in a long time. Paris may be dressed from head to toe in a deep shade of blue, but she should have to reason to be feeling blue and melancholy. Ohhhhh no.

I am happy to announce the highly anticipated news…Paris has found her new BFF! OMG. Wait one hot smurf minute…I am so glad I now know THAT…I can FINALLY sleep better at night. THANK GAWD!!!

I knew there was a reason for my madness as of late. However, if you are dying to know WHO her new BFF is, you’ll have to watch the self promotion that is Paris Hilton…on MTV. Paris Hilton’s My New BFF is due to begin airing on September 30th on MTV.

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Rumor has it that Britney Spears has jumped back into the dating world and we’re not so sure her taste in men has gotten any better. Last night, Britney was spotted dining at the Little Red Door in Hollywood with none other than this year’s MTV VMA’s controversial host Russell Brand. The two apparently arrived and left separately, however, shared an intimate dinner together. Hmmmm. Interesting.

Russell is a recovering drug addict and was also treated for sex addiction so perhaps they had plenty to talk about.

As you can see Brit and Russ shared a bond at the MTV awards with Russ touching Brit’s Cheeto leg.

Russell has also dated Kate Moss and Sadie Frost. And, well we all know Britney’s relationship history and it ain’t pretty.

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Lauren Conrad is going to make the most of her “reality” stardom by cashing in on a book deal. That’s right! Lauren has just landed a deal with Harper Collins to pen a 3-book series based on her own transformation from regular California teen to celebrity darling, Harper Collins has announced.

Be it known that this series will be a FICTIONAL account of her life because we supposedly already know the “real” happenings of her day-to-day life. DUH! The Hills IS REAL, after all.

Who knew that Lauren was such a great writer?

Yeah, me neither. Apparently Lauren has started working on her first book and it will be ready for release in the summer of 2009. I wonder if there will be a movie to follow? Gawd, I can hardly contain my excitement.

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