Whip up your favorite stew, break out your best fold-n-roll jeans and jump on your couch like a highly energetic child. We will soon be celebrating the fabulous union of Scientology Tom and Stepford Katie Cruise…November 18th to be exact.

So, mark your calendars and be prepared to celebrate because we aren’t so sure Tom and Katie will be able to party down on their anniversary. Katie has gotta work, peeps. Yeah, how bad does THAT suck. It seems their second wedding anniversary could end up being a very low key affair as Katie will be on stage in All My Sons instead of going somewhere special with Tom. Awwww, I know. It’s depressing, really. But, you KNOW Tommy will be at the theater taking all the attention away from his working woman that night. He’ll have that magical twinkle in his eye that will entrance the audience and fill the room with Scientology love.

A source told OK! magazine: “Don’t be surprised if he presents her with a huge bouquet of roses as the cast takes their bows. And her dressing room will look like a florist shop!”

Well, that is a sweet idea, but flowers die. Katie’s love for Tom will never die as long as he keeps cookin’ that warm, hearty placenta stew. I have a better idea. Why not set up a crock pot in Katie’s dressing room? YEAH! Tom could simmer a special placenta stew all night long and then after the show they can toast their love by dipping their fingers into the stew and marking a heart on each other’s foreheads.

OMG, how sweet.

Image Source: INF

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As rumors fly that Katie Price’s marriage is crumbling, the best way to dispel those rumors are to go out on the town sans your husband….get completely wasted…and forget to wear your ring. That will fix things! Ummm…not.

Katie denies a split telling a source that at one point they did split (for a few days), but, she insists the pair have overcome their troubles. She told OK magazine: “We’re in love for God’s sake. We are not breaking up.”

So, is this just an innocent girl’s night out or is Katie trying to escape from a marriage that is hanging by a thread?

Image Source: BIG

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and vents his frustration to OK! magazine because lawd knows when times get tough for Michael, he cries on the shoulder of the media…This crapola is getting hardcore.

“When I first spoke out, I clearly stated that everything I said and my concerns were generated by my ex-wife, Dina… After a recent phone call from Lindsay while she was traveling on one of Samantha’s DJ gigs, I became very concerned. It was then that we all agreed to have a mother/daughter/father sit-down when Lindsay got to NY.

Everything was arranged and agreed (I have dozens of texts and recordings with Dina to prove it). But when the time came on Sunday, Dina chose to go into NYC and have dinner with Sam, Sam’s mother and Lindsay, rather than address real issues and make things better for Lindsay.

A day later, Dina told me that Sam was writing a book, that Sam was a negative influence on Lindsay and that Sam needs to be out of Lindsay’s life….then she asked me how to do it!!

Matters became worse when Dina said Lindsay was in REAL danger and she needed to save her and get Lindsay into ‘a place!’ These are ALL Dina’s words. Tell me, what father wouldn’t be concerned and even pissed at Sam after hearing this!!???

To even imagine that Dina would then go on vacation is even more sickening! Should we actually believe a women who says whe doesn’t party with Lindsay, get drunk or care about fame? She has been on video and photographed dozens of times with Lindsay, drunk in public, thrown out of events, had public fights with Lindsay and then does a reality show which was so far from the truth, it’s disgusting!

Dina cares? PLEASE!!!! Lindsay was once stalked by a guy [name deleted] who Dina trusted and I said from the get go that I didn’t only for Dina to look the other way when I had to get a task force to track him down.

Dina took a percentage of Lindsay’s money when I NEVER took a red cent! All the while, I only speak out when something is wrong or needs to be made right!

Dina is a money-loving, fame-seeking, self-serving deceiver, who comes from roots of the same.

Meanwhile they say I seek fame! Ha! I am out there doing charity work, going on mission trips, working with the United Nations and trying to help my daughter while spending sleepless nights with a father dying of cancer. Did Dina call my dad, or have the kids visit or send a card to a man who never hurt a fly? NO! Dina raised all this alarm and caused this whole thing!

While guilt may bring a response by some, others like Dina pass the buck and don’t accept any responsibility at all.

All I want is for Lindsay to be healthy and in a good relationship! I want her to use the gifts she has in the best ways and to help others! I said it from the very beginning: Show me who you walk with and I will tell you who you are! People may deceive us, but our eyes and facts don’t! OPEN YOUR EYES!!!”

Wowsers. This guy is a freakin’ nut job. Lovin’ it! Dina? Dina, you are up next!

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Britney sure did fight hard to get her body back as she graces the cover of OK! magazine. She even gives us a few pieces of dieting advice.

“I try to do just 1,200 calories a day,” says Brit, who also happens to work out five days a week. “It may sound like it’s not much, but it’s actually a lot of food if you eat the right things.”

So, let me see….that is about one bag of Cheetos and a Red Bull. Enough to keep me going for the day!

I kind of find it interesting that Britney can fight so hard to get her body back, but not hard enough to get her kids back, despite the $900,000 in legal fees.

Hmmph. Oh well. It just goes to show what the priorities are in the mind of Britney Spears. Lookin’ good though!

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The Britster must be running low on cash as she now can be seen on the cover of Ok Magazine whoring herself out AND her two sons as well. Sad, sad, sad.

The disappointment here comes when you find out Britney doesn’t reveal anything too juicy to the gossip mag at all…like what really happened with Sam Lufti, where Adnan is and if she still has sexy time with him…you know, things we WANT to know. Instead, she dishes out how she felt about her baby sister Jamie Spears’ pregnancy and how she would feel if her boys became involved in the entertainment industry. Boo.

So what does she say you are DYING to know?  Here are the HIGHLIGHTS of the interview, if you can call them that.

About her boys being involved in the biz-nass:

I’d love them unconditionally if they wanted to. I’d just as soon they have a more normal childhood.

(You mean like, be able to eat Cheetos and drink Frapps until they came out their ears? And, hold onto mommy’s cigarettes while she smokes it up like a chimney?)

About Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy:

I was shocked a little bit.  She’s always been the baby, and now the baby was having a baby. It was mind-boggling.

(But secretly you KNOW Britney wanted her little sis to have a baby boy. Those MUST be some good drugs she is on.)

About her new album:

I think it is more urban.  I’m writing every day, right here at the piano in this living room… This is my best work ever.

(Britney, at the piano?  Huh?  Am I missing something here?  Perhaps she bought a piano that she sits at to pretend she’s playing, because I didn’t think Brit knew how to play anything other than “Mary Had A Little Lamb”…and even THAT is stretching it.  If that is the case…this album is gonna SUCK!)

Yawn.

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What an adorable little doot doot!

Welcome to the world, Levi McConaughy, son of Camilla Alves and hottie Matthew McConaughey!

In an exclusive interview with OK! Magazine, Matthew spoke about how intense the delivery of his little one was.

“I have it all chronicled,” he explained. “Becoming a dad is something I’ve dreamed of doing since I was 10. Becoming a father felt very, very natural. We were jamming! She was sweating. No painkiller, let’s go. She just clicked into that gear that only a woman has at a time like this. We’d been up for 40-something hours, and we went from dead tired to a really steadfast, ‘Let’s handle this… let’s stay in the rhythm. Don’t let the contraction be more than you.’”

I wonder if Matt brought his bongos along?

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Jessica and Cash Warren must have gotten an acceptable amount of ching for baby Honor’s pics, as OK! magazine hooked us all up with first pics. HOLLA! I will say, Honor is a cutie!

(Now that she got her cash) Jessica Alba is (sorta) smiling on the cover of OK! and girlfriend is acting like giving birth is a piece of cake.

She tells OK! magazine, “I didn’t scream. It was really Zen. I wanted to do it naturally. The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused.”

Hmmm.

I’m sure there was no blood either! Kidding. We believe you, Jessica. *cough*

What, I had a frog in my throat?

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