Archive for the ‘One Hot Mess’ Category

Wino Belts Out A Few Jams On Vacation.

Thursday, January 8th, 2009

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Oh to have been a fly on the wall in this hotel bar! Amy Winehouse has got that lovin’ feeling as she belted out a few love songs as she gave an impromptu performance in a Caribbean hotel bar where she is currently on vacation in St Lucia.

Could she have been trying to impress her Caribbean vacation lover aspiring actor Joshua Bowman?
Sources say, mission accomplished.

“As soon as she finished playing she rushed over to Josh and was hugging and kissing him. Her voice was amazing. Everyone in the bar was amazed to hear her. She sang a few songs and looked to be really enjoying herself. Josh was obviously impressed. They were all over each other once she had finished singing, although they quickly moved outside to the terrace.” Oooo, for some sexy time, I presume?

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Sad to say, but since Josh is an “aspiring actor”, I’m just guessing that hanging with Amy is one sure way of getting noticed in some way, shape or form. I hope for Amy’s sake that when she decides to return back to London, she doesn’t slip back into her self-destructing ways. On an off-topic note, I do kind of miss the trademark beehive and the little weave mice that made her straw their home.

Image Source: Splash.

Kerry Katona Hits The Bottle.

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

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The I-don’t-have-a-drinking-problem Kerry Katona arrived in Manchester yesterday with a bottle in hand…a bottle of perfume. Apparently Miss Katona thinks you and I want to smell like a puke-stained hangover. No thank you.

The bottle consists of a hint of turkey twizzlers, tomato soup burps, rubbing alcohol, and a pinch of puke crumbs. Or at least that is what I presume Kerry Katona’s new scent “Outrageous” would smell like.

Kerry’s gig at the Arndale Centre was her first public appearance since her slur-fest on the This Morning show.

Hey, she appears to be sober!

Image Source: WENN

Kerry Katona, The New Anna Nicole Smith?

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008

UK reality star Kerry Katona started a promotional tour for her new reality show “Whole Again” by presenting herself as one hot mess on This Morning (equivalent to Good Morning America here in US), appalling both interviewers AND television viewers.

The reality star has previously battled drug addiction, however, it seems Kerry has reverted back to her old ways by making her appearance one big sloppy slurry mess. Pills and booze, anyone?

When I first tuned into this interview, I thought this rambling was her British accent, however, a few sentences later…ummm…yeah. It is clear that this chick has some “Winehouse” issues.

Granted this girl has suffered through drug addictions, premature births, rehab, bipolar disorder, bankruptcy, a home invasion and hostage situation, and has been consistently voted the “most irritating….so therefore I can understand a little night out on the town every now and then, but it’s apparent this chick has BIG problems.

Unfortunately, this behavior reminds me all too well of deceased blonde bombshell Anna Nicole Smith. Don’t ya think?

Wino’s Latest Fix.

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

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Usually about a week before Aunt Flo invades my house for that fun little monthly visit, I indulge in sweets. It’s just what I do. In fact, October is one of my favorite months of the year because I have an added excuse to run to Tarjay and pick up a bag (or two) of those cute little sweet Halloween pumpkins. You know what I’m talking about right? Yummers. I frickin’ LOVE them. (See illustration below.)

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Anysweets, everyone that has a sweet tooth has their own sugar-ific treat of choice that satisfies their craving. Now, I realize I haven’t written about our beloved UK train wreck Amy Winehouse as of late, but the bitch has been in hiding WITH her latest addiction…sweets. But what we have just found out is by far the most “to die for” (literally) concoctions ever.

Cracky and one of her pals have been in hiding at Amy’s Camden home, playing and indulging in their new concoction which includes mixing drugs with sweets.

According to a source, Wino has invested some of her hard earned money into a candyfloss (similar to cotton candy) machine into which she reportedly sprinkles wraps of cocaine in before whipping up the sweet treat. Amy refers to this process as her ‘coke ‘n candy special’. Amy’s “friend”, Babyshambles guitarist Mik Whitnall has been hanging with Amy as of late, helping her whip up this sweet, yet deadly treat.

The source said: “It was Mik’s (a friend of Amy’s) idea. The candyfloss machine was Amy’s pride and joy and he thought it would be funny to give it a boost.

‘He and a some pals sprinkled a wrap of coke into the mixture and Amy started eating it before she realized what they’d done. She now thinks it’s a hoot to do the same.”

Yeah, it will be a real hoot when Wino rots out her teeth, loses them, and then will be forced to resort to wearing dentures…at the sweet age of 25! That would SUCK!

Kim Kardashian And Her Behind Get Kicked.

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

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Well it’s official. Kim Kardashian is the third celebrity eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. My bootylicious booty twin sister Kim K. and her derrierre got beat out by a geriatric hag named Clitoris…or is it Cloris? In any case, I am quite saddened…considering I spent most of my nights on the phone voting like I was a teenager trying to win two free Subway combos for a radio contest. And, now I have a kink in my neck because of the constant tilting of my head and my fingers feel like I had been typing a 400-page paper. Thanks a lot Kim…for nothing!

Kim and her family are in denial…playing the “Kim’s shy” card as the reason for her loss. Why can’t we just be honest here? The girl can’t dance! When an 3894848 year-old woman AND Susan Lucci outlast you on a dancing show, there is cause for concern! Plain and simple.

Last night, Kim took to her blog on her official website to smooth things over:

What can I say… I am obviously sad to go, but I am more sad to not be seeing this amazing cast that really has grown so close together.

I know I wasn’t the best dancer and I never claimed to be. I have never taken a dance class in my life until now! But WOW what an incredible experience!

I will never ever forget this journey. I have made friends I know will be in my life forever now! I wouldn’t have given up the experience for the world!

After the show Mark and I were rushed to do Jimmy Kimmel and then it was the wrap party for Keeping Up with the Kardashians at Crown Bar. So many of the DWTS crew came by to support!

Kim better hope either Clitoris or Susan take home the DWTS trophy.

Vodka, The Breakfast Of Champions.

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

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Err…um…more like the ideal breakfast according to Amy Winehouse! Apparently Saturday Amy delivered yet another embarrassing performance. Of course would you expect anything better from someone who drank a bottle of vodka for breakfast? (Ummm, hello alcohol poisoning and liver malfunctions!)

Oh and remember those 48 bottles of Jack Daniels Wino purchased for this festival? Well, I’m pretty sure she drank them all. Ok, I’m pretty sure she had plenty of help. As a matter of fact…I KNOW she had some pals help her consume those very bottles of Jack and gawd knows what else.

Rumor has it there was an all night and into the morning booze-fest at the Wellington Hotel where Miss Winehouse and her crew stayed….UNTIL….

They got their butts kicked out! Amy and her guests not only destroyed her room, but they were also shouting at staff and guests. According to a source, the hotel said they caused $10,000 of damage, burning furniture with cigarette butts and covering carpets with booze.

And this girl is still living! I don’t even know what to say anymore. Someone needs to grab this girl by the weave and knock some sense into her. So so sad.

Blame It On The Cats!

Thursday, July 24th, 2008

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Who KNEW Amy Winehouse was a crazy cat lady? The troubled star is said to own at least 14 cats and a source reveals that these felines could be the very cause of her recently diagnosed emphysema.

‘It wasn’t long after Amy got the cats that she started having breathing difficulties,’ a source revealed.

‘She didn’t put two and two together but the doctors did. It turns out she has a severe cat allergy and they are making her ill.’

Hmmm. I suppose those damn cats are responsible for Amy’s drug problem too?

Might as well blame the cats for her anger issues, punching fans, lashing out at paparazzo, and slapping bodyguards as well.

OMG…hold on to your hats, people. I have an idea! I think maybe Amy should rid of those mean cats. Perhaps all her problems will be solved and she’ll be the new Mary Poppins?!

Hey, anything is worth a shot at this point.


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