No, I did not stutter, Kelly Preston. Your days as America’s top beard are numbered and it is time for new, fresh(er) blood to rule the roost. So cock-a-doodle down, Mrs. Travolta! The latest beard on the ho stroll is none other than Julianne Hough, who has been googly (Lady) gaga over America’s favorite gay metrosexual Ryan Seacrest. The paid leased rented starlet had this to say about how she became paired with American’s Sweetheart:
“I was reluctant because he is such an influential guy, and what if it didn’t work out?” Hough, 24, tells InStyle in a 2012 cover story. “Our first date, I was so nervous that I just sat there and interviewed him with questions like, ‘Are you loyal?’ and ‘Are you close to your family?”
Let’s read between the lines and snort them, shall we readers? What she really meant was….
“I definitely was not going to pretend to be latched onto this queen until I knew how much money was in the contract to be seen on the red carpet with him! If it doesn’t work out, I will have wasted my time. Besides, Tom Cruise is back on the market and a girl’s gotta eat!!
Any-RyanSeacrestisaboutasstraightasRichardSimmons-way, the two have been at this for some years now and in a few years, I expect Hough to make the transition from girlfriend on his arm at red carpet events to cover his glaring metro-homosexuality to fiance who looks forward to popping out spawn for the entertainment mogul.
Let’s pray for this day, folks! If not with her, it will be some other starlet on the rise. But one thing’s for sure…
It’s a-comin’!
