My Name Is Earl.

Inside the mind of Earl Simmons:

Hi. My name is Earl. They called me DMX when I was cool. But, the coppers know me as Earl. In fact, the coppers know me real well. Guess what? I got arrested. Again. This is the 456809480507078th time. I’m a loser. I like Doritoes. No, I’m not a loser because I like Doritoes. I’m a loser ‘cuz I think it’s cool to get in trouble with the law. A bag of Doritoes is my munchy of choice. I’m dumb. Real dumb. Don’t know why I got arrested, but I did.

Well, Earl…he’s got some freakin’ problems!

According to reports, Earl was taken into custody outside a Wal-Mart store in north Miami Beach on a warrant issued by a Maricopa County Superior Court commissioner.

I’m guessing he got busted on a “munchy run”.

The 37-year-old, who has a home outside Phoenix, failed to appear on Tuesday for a pretrial conference on charges relating to marijuana and drug paraphernalia possession, one of several legal battles he faces in Arizona.

Take the keys and lock him up!

RELATED POSTS:

1. Life After Mario.
2. Lindsay, A Creep Magnet.