“I would smack her in the mouth if I saw her. I would say, ‘You deserve this and nothing else – whack!’ And then if she’s not satisfied, I’d put her over my knee and spank her. The same thing with Paris Hilton – those children are begging for help. What they’re doing is saying, ‘Can you please help me?’ When people who have celebrity give nothing in return, they need a spanking and a reprimand.”
Jerry Lewis, on Lindsay Lohan
“I get these panic attacks. So I have always tried to do everything I possibly can – herbal remedies, chemical remedies. Running was the only thing that really helped. It calmed me down, so I didn’t have the panic attacks. But at the same time, I found it lowered my sense of humor. I lost my edge a bit. So in the end, I stopped running. It’s not audiences, I love an audience. Put me on stage in front of a thousand people and I’m very comfortable. It’s cameras. I don’t like them.”
Hugh Grant, on his anxiety issues
“My boobs are crushing me. They are totally too big and it’s impossible to work out – they get in the way when I try to exercise. I have to wear two sports bras to run! It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life. I can’t hug my dogs anymore. Especially with my face in the condition it’s in, I can’t get up close or kiss them. If they were to hit my nose I wouldn’t be able to get it fixed again! I have to be really careful. I feel like a porcelain doll.”
Heidi Montag, on her tig ole’ bitties
“The general perception of our band still needs work. On paper we’re really no different than any other rock band. We’re a group of guys who’ve been friends for years who write songs and release them. But there’s definitely this strange disconnect over who we are and what roles we play in making our music…I do feel like if I had long, shaggy hair and wore a hat with a feather in it and refused to do interviews I’d probably have a different reputation. But I look kind of like an architect, so people get confused. I upset their rock ‘n’ roll norms.”
Adam Levine, on Maroon 5 not being a boyband
“Except for filming and a few photoshoots, I’ve had my nose tape on 24 hours a day since November. It takes a year for your nose to heal. This is just the first photo that anyone has seen of it. The last time I didn’t wear tape after surgery and my nose changed shape. The tape is supposed to keep the swelling down and hold my nose in place the way Dr Ryan sculpted it. Dr Ryan always said I was his best, most cautious patient, and I’m not taking any chances now that he’s gone. I don’t want my face to fall off like Michael Jackson’s.”
Heidi Montag to Life&Style: on rumors of another plastic surgery job (after being seen wearing a big fat bandage on her nose)
“Why do people do porno tapes, sell them, make boatloads of money, then LIE about being victimized? I know one girl who sold her tape herself. I know one of the girls that acts so prim and proper and sold her tape to get famous. The others I just speculate…I own up to my porn, I don’t cry and say my boyfriend stole it.”
Jenna Jameson, on celebrities lying about the release of their sex tapes
“I will not judge him, nor will I believe his girlfriend’s apparently doctored tapes. All I know is Mel went on the line for Jesus Christ, built a church for God and has helped many. It’s so easy for others to point fingers and cast blame when money and pride are involved. I pray for him and God will be the judge.”
Michael Lohan, on Mel Gibson’s drama
“You know what? I got to be honest. I really don’t want to talk about her anymore only just because it’s kind of like the last thing I said about her was on ‘Cold Wind Blows’. I made the comment ['Take a look at Mariah next time I inspire you to write a song']. I don’t want to keep beating a dead horse. I’m not even going to comment about it. I’m done with that whole situation. I said what I had to say. I’m done.”
Eminem, on being done with knocking Mariah Carey in his songs
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