So, it’s been a few years since Lance Armstrong transformed into a douchebag and made Sheryl Crow’s road a little more winding. If you recall, Lancey Pants and Sheryl Black Crow Caw Caw were getting set to walk the aisle of destiny when Lancey got his pants twisted and wedged up his booty crack…a painful event I am sure.

However now after the so-called mutual split, Lance is coming clean. In his new book, which is due out in July), Armstrong places the blame on one thing: baby frickin’ fever.

Lancey Pants reveals, “She wanted marriage, she wanted children; and not that I didn’t want that, but I didn’t want that at that time because I had just gotten out of a marriage, I’d just had kids [Luke, Grace and Bella]. Yet we’re up against her biological clock — that pressure is what cracked it.”

So why the boot knockin’ spermination with girlfriend Anna Hansen now? Lancey Pants claims, with Crow Caw Caw he “wasn’t ready” and “would have been in the future, but not then.”

But before you start getting negative feelings about Lancey Pants, consider this…he did try working things out with Sheryl by going to counseling to try to see eye to eye on the baby-making drama.

“There’s no way to counsel that situation. Because if somebody wants a child — man, that’s the greatest gift you can give to a woman — so who are you to stand there and say I don’t want one. So we were at different points in our lives. We were not compatible on that issue.”

So there you have it!